You would probably survive intact if you
passed on celebrating Valentine’s Day in its purely commercial form. Red
balloons deflate, chocolate unfortunately goes to the hips, and choosing the
right Valentine’s Day card can be a struggle. But there is certainly value on
celebrating marital love every year. Why not use Valentine’s Day as a scheduled
marriage booster?
I’m a wife and believe me I would like a
box of chocolates and a nice dinner out as much as the next woman. But this
year, I’m going to suggest something different. Something a little out of the
gift box.
It all begins with reading some
carefully chosen words. Do you remember the words you spoke, the vow you made
on your wedding day? I’ll be honest. I don’t remember the exact words I said on
my wedding day 14 years ago. I do know they were traditional vows, but I would
have to dig up the VHS tape to really get it word for word.
On Valentine’s Day, why don’t you get
alone with your spouse and promise each other once again to have and to hold
until death do you part? These words could be exchanged over a candlelight
dinner, standing face to face in the park, or cuddling on your sofa at home.
Tell
each other:
I promise you (name of spouse) to have
and to hold you from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer, for
poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us
part, according to God’s holy law, and this is my solemn vow.
You
can vary it by personalizing it with more:
I promise you (name of spouse) that I am
totally committed to you and our marriage. I believe in you and am proud to be
your spouse. In good times and bad times, I will always be here for you. I will
honour your goals and dreams and support you in every way possible. I will be
open and honest in our relationship. I am sorry for the times I have been
selfish. I will seek in the future to consider your needs above my own. I will
pray for you regularly and believe that God is working in our marriage.
You can use these words as a template
and create your own unique declarations. Don’t underestimate the power of
looking your spouse in the eyes and saying words of commitment. Then on the
flip side, to hear your spouse say these kinds of words to you is beautiful
music to the ears.
My husband James and I attended a
marriage conference a few years ago. At the end of the weekend, a room packed
full of men and women renewed their vows to each other. Each couple faced each
other and repeated vows that the leader read. There wasn’t a dry eye in the
house. I was surprised by how moving that experience was. James and I are
natural born talkers so we exchange words all the time. But not like that.
Facing my husband and saying those words was extremely special and sacred. It
took less than five minutes but it transported us to that holy moment when we
first committed ourselves in marriage before God and man.
We cannot afford to forget the power of
commitment in marriage. But when sacred words of commitment are seldom spoken,
it’s easier to drift apart. In Deuteronomy 6:1-9 we’re given a formula of success for the
family. You must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am
giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children (Deuteronomy
6:6-7, NLT).
Repetition. Repetition. Repetition.
Marriage vows and commitments made to God and each other are not to be said
once and then erased over time and neglect. Tell your spouse once more, again
and again, that you are committed to him or her until death do you part. You
can even repeat the conversation again and purposefully allow your children to
eavesdrop, so they too hear the strength of your commitment.
You can’t wrap up your words and put
them in a gift box on Valentine’s Day. Or on second thought, maybe you can. You
could write down your vows and commitments on a sheet of paper. When your
spouse opens the box, you can read your promises to him or her face to face.
Perhaps you can start a new tradition of
repeating your vows every Valentine’s Day. Those would be the perfect words to
express your love this holiday. Cue the romantic music; it’s going to be a
Valentine’s Day to remember!
This is a guest post by Arlene
Pellicane.
Arlene
Pellicane is a speaker and author of 31 Days to a Happy Husband and 31 Days to a
Younger You. She has been a guest on
Family Life Today, The 700 Club, Turning Point with David Jeremiah, and The
Hour of Power. Arlene and her husband
James live in San Diego with their three children. Visit Arlene’s website at www.TheHappyHusband.com.
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